|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| things pinky hates #42:
getting hit on at the gas station
1. i am trying to pump my fucking gas
2. i cant ignore you completely or leave because i am trying to pump my fucking gas
3. i am not interested in your ride, i have my own which is why i am trying to pump my fucking gas.
no matter the neighborhood, its always some ghetto dude too. (regardless of race, always ghetto)
now excuse me, as i try to pump my fucking gas.
| | |
| you'd think that after so long, i'd never let myself get back to this point.
you, yes YOU, would think that simple things can fix it all. well, youre wrong. it doesnt fix anything.
------------------------
R.I.P Tien Ca
he was a childhood friend who we lost early this morning to cancer.
my cousin is on the next flight over here for the funeral.
| | |
| & ive never had this feeling before. its a whole new type of lost. it feels... unwelcoming. for the first time i feel like philly isnt home anymore. i just feel so unwanted here. im ready to move on & out. but thats not currently an option. i just dont feel right. i dont belong here anymore... or maybe i never did. i tried so hard to try to make things work here & it just wont. its hard to deal when leaving isnt currently an option.
i so badly want to meet one.. just one person who could make me change my mind. i never knew i could feel like such an alien. & i dont have to be anywhere that im not wanted, id rather not. thanks. but where do i go from here & this feeling? its not getting any easier. its so hard to keep from giving up. because i think im there. im right on the edge of it. spend hours a day trying to figure out if its all worth it & why things happen the way they do. why people change & end up betraying you. why it starts to feel like everything is a lie & all the good just never existed.
its crazy how fast time goes by & you realize those memories were so long ago. then you realize that its not the same anymore. youre not at home. this isnt where you belong & things just dont fit in the right way anymore. youre a stranger. an unwanted stranger. i wanna start over. start fresh. drop everything here & do it all over again. where no one knows me & hope that the people here would forget me. maybe thats trying to take the easy way out, but it would just feel so good.
where did it all go so wrong? was it gradual? or did i lose it all in one moment?
what do i do now...............
| | |
| Sometimes it freaking hurts to live. | | |
| bought a ton of makeup this week. as if i didnt have enough. i may have found my new holy grail of liquid eyeliner. i use to use the maybelline waterproof liquid eyeliner butttttttt after some research i discovered the l'oreal lineur intense in carbon black. so far i have found that the maybelline dries in a matte form while the l'oreal dries in a shiny form. the maybelline sticks to skin better, for sure, but is impossible to clean off without getting it all over your face. the l'oreal is much easier to clean. i get the maybelline stuck alllll over my lashes (which clumps them) but the felt tip on the l'oreal gets a lot less on my lashes (not completely nothing, but less).
also, i bought l'oreal HIP creamliner. I originally had the makeup forever brand creamliner, which was suppose to be the god of eyeliners, but i found that HIP does just as well. plus my MUFE one is pretty dry by now. I used my new sonia kashuk bent eyeliner brush. found that both qualities were similar, only one was about twice the price of the other!
 vs. 
amazing what you can find at a drugstore haha. but really, thats ALL i will buy at a drug store. after learning so much over the past couple years (& so much more to learn!) i found out that most things should be in a bit higher end unless a drugstore brand has made a good dupe.
i use to buy crazy crazy amounts of drugstore mascara until i learned that they are actually bad for your eyelashes. i then learned about clinique's power lash mascara (which lasts longer than 3 months, unlike drugstore brands) & it uses the tubing technique. i did notice a difference, drugstore mascara use to make my lashes fall out like after trying to wash it off like nuts!
after that i was pretty much sold. pigmentation of makeup is also very important, which is why i loveee MAC eyeshadows. i do not have the patience for the ones at drugstores that barely show up. plus you must always invest in a good base/primer.. so UDPP is also my heart & soul (pricey, but you get what you pay for).
i figured after some time that i dont feel too bad spending a bit more on makeup products because.. well... ITS GOING ON MY FACE! & after learning so much about them i get why you sometimes need the high end brands. you dont need to splurge on a brand thats $100++! but some products are def better from clinique, MAC, MUFE, etc.
this was sooo much longer than i expected.. i originally was only going to talk about eyeliner!
| | |
|
